I'm on a semi-mental health break. If you wish to speak to me for whatever reason, you can contact me on my message wall, or on other wikis I edit, and I will hear you out. This does not mean I have quit editing this wiki entirely. I may edit occasionally but this site is not a priority for me anymore and I have moved onto other things.
When I first began editing the site in 2009 (back when it was on Wikicities), it was a hot mess and I poured thousands and thousands of hours, blood and sweat during my free time as a high schooler. I wasn't even 15 years old when I began editing and taking on a big project. The wiki was a lot more vandalized back then so I was the one cleaning up stuff like this. I became the teenage main manager because no one else wanted to and others had left, and I had a huge love for the Silent Hill series. The wiki was one of the few places in my life where I felt people valued me and what I had to say, even if it was a virtual place. I made some lifelong friends here and we've had fun. Eventually, it became draining and tiring, and I learned that no matter how many more hundreds of hours I spent trying to improve it, some people will always dislike it, something I didn't fully understand at the time, or perhaps more accurately, didn't want to understand. Another mistake I made was tying my self-esteem to the wiki too much, so any insult towards the wiki, I felt was an insult towards me since I was the main manager and the biggest contributor. A lot of people take wikis for granted, not knowing the amount of effort and hard work that goes into building them.
If you're a certain friend of mine and happen to be reading this, I forgive you and I hope you forgive me after June 2018. My account was hacked and that's why we lost contact after the website transfer. We're still friends in my heart and I hope we can be again in the future.
If you just want to accuse me of things I am not, of things I didn't do, twist what I say or have said by deleting context, put words in my mouth, blatantly lie about me, or send me rape/death threats, then please don't.
|A message for Shadow|
I saw your video in Spanish in June 2022. Assuming you really are deleting my comments and it's not just a spam filter, you're a coward, deleting my comments (it appears) and trying to censor me because it goes against your narrative of trying to dehumanize me. So I'll just repost it here, because you can't delete this one:
And if you want to man up, feel free to talk to me directly like an adult.
A Q and A session I have to do myself because literally only three people have actually contacted me directly
|Some truth about me|
If you came here because you thought "what does Alex have to say about this?" or had suspicions about certain things people have said about me not adding up because you aren't a complete gullible dumbass who will fall for anything, then thanks, you're a much needed minority in this world. I hate people who act like they know everything about me just because they listened to some guy or woman talk about me for a few minutes. Because people love labeling others and jumping to conclusions about people in order to dismiss them these days, here's a list of things I am not:
Chances are, I'm not whatever dumb label people like to misinterpret me as in order to write me off. I'd say about 90% of things people have said about me aren't true, such as me being botched or... being part of the Tomb Raider forums (I like Lara Croft, but that never happened). But this is the Internet and all, so people would rather accept fake stories and rumors that never happened as truth, trusting slanderers, deceitful reporters, people with massive amounts of followers, and even people pretending to be me (I've seen at least 5 people who've tried), along with all the screwed up lies with it. I saw someone else claim they knew me in high school saying that I wouldn't shut up about MGM in class, which is impossible because of the information in the "You're a weirdo" section I put below. If I had a nickel for every time I've seen someone lie about me, I'd be rich (figuratively). Ironically, I've spoken to people on other sites and I wasn't believed when I said who I was. I could say "I like cats" and someone out there will go "Alex said cats are better than dogs" or even "Alex said he likes to fuck cats" (people really suck at relaying information that much). There's always two sides to every story, and every news article/video I've seen has plenty of lies, half-truths, exaggerations and misrepresentations in it.
One of my pet peeves is people who don't understand that when someone compares two things, it doesn't mean they're saying one is as severe as the other. Me saying "If you experienced FGM, you might be more understanding..." is not me saying MGM is as bad as FGM (although both are shitty things which should be illegal). Me saying "This is like deleting the Holocaust article based on this argument" is not me saying MGM is as bad as the Holocaust. This is something anyone above the age of 10 should know. I never said MGM is "worse than murder" either.
Another pet peeve is people who say America is the greatest country in the world like it's a fact. It's probably Norway or Sweden or something.
|Are you really a NOMAP/pedophile?|
No. Note how anyone who claims this conveniently shows no proof of me being one.
As soon as I found out this dumb rumor was spreading, I immediately mentioned it was all bullshit to someone curious on my message wall. I thought that would be enough to dispel it, yet it still remains. Years ago, I was way crappier at defending myself, and less articulate.
These are sick lies spread by depraved/ignorant/malevolent lowlives, especially since I've helped unfortunate children and have had plenty of traumatic childhood experiences myself, such as being molested by a female babysitter around the year 2000 when I was a child, as well as witnessing my pet rabbits throats being slit which also happened when I was a child. I even tried telling an adult I was molested, but I wasn't believed as a little boy back then and this babysitter got off the hook. So congrats Internet, you've accused a victim of pedophilia who isn't a pedophile of being a pedophile. I don't feel comfortable talking about things like my depression, my childhood sexual abuse, bad memories, etc, and in an ideal world, I wish I didn't have to, but just mentioning it could drastically change the way people think so they don't view me, and perhaps others, in a one-dimensional manner, as well as learn how to broaden their horizons.
If I had to guess where this lie came from, it probably occurred because I said to someone during a random conversation on another wiki years ago "you shouldn't demonize pedophiles who haven't done anything" and didn't go beyond that. I was naive. I later realized this was a mistake because I was unaware how ridiculously out-of-context others would take it, and it seems to have spread around Twitter. For one, this does not mean I'm a pedophile and does not mean I support children being sexualized, and only dense people would interpret it as such. This is a mature opinion that shows high empathy and critical thinking skills about inherently upsetting controversial issues. If Jesus existed, do people really think he'd say something like "Yeah, fuck all pedophiles, let's castrate them and lock them up for life/kill them?"
Simply pointing out that pedophilia is a psychiatric disorder, that pedophiles and child molestors are not necessarily the same thing, that women and even teenage girls can be pedophiles, that many pedophiles were sexually abused as children themselves, and that pedophiles don't choose their attractions and thus are not inherently evil people, causes an intense kneejerk reaction in people that will get you deemed a "pedophile defender", pitchforked or banned from communities which is some real 1984 bullshit. I also think it's fucked up the average depiction of a pedophile is Patrick Napier or Herbert the Pervert, as well as almost always being male. In the 21st century, it's time to stop depicting people with psychiatric disorders beyond their control of being evil violent one-sided molestors all the time. I once spoke to someone who claimed fantasizing about molesting imaginary children is the "same" as actually molesting real children. I can't even.
I'm strongly against child abuse which should be obvious, and twisting it so it seems like my actions were due to pedophilic desires, is repulsive bullshit. I absolutely do not support pedophilia, I just support people not being treated like shit due to psychological factors outside their control.
Only I know the full truth of what happened and can fully pick apart the lies, but I'm not in the mood to dispel hundreds of lies, and it's no wonder why a lot of young men turn to suicide these days when very few people actually want to listen to them, in favor of psychopathic laughs or misleading stories. History isn't necessarily written by truth, but by those in power. One of the most efficient ways for people to believe lies is to insert them among truth. It's sad to see how me trying to encourage others to seek truth has fallen on so many deaf ears. However, I will clarify some things.
I made the theory venty to express the tormented feelings within my heart about the world. I was going through a bad depression period, one reason being one of my family members died in a cruel way. Depression can cloud someone's judgement and make them say/do things they would not normally do. I was also around 20 years old, which is the one of the ages depression and poor mental health can hit the worst. I wanted people to feel my anger, to think "man, he is pissed." Because I was pissed. People in pain often lash out and act haughty, and this should be nothing new. I wanted the theory to get noticed and make people think, but didn't expect it would. My anger seems to have worked to a degree and I've made a dent in human consciousness. People are actually (somewhat) talking about things and issues which the school system fails to teach. How much longer do men have to wait until MGM is banned? 2025? 2030? 2050? 394038583? I'm one of the few people who tried to use what influence they had to do something about it. People can be "against" something, but how many will actually speak up about it and try to enact change? Why don't we see more rich and powerful people like celebs talk about intactivism? It seems they don't care. Well, I tried to make the world a better place.
I admit that I said some things poorly worded. I'm not proud how I worded some things -- it's hard to filter yourself when you feel angry and emotional. For example, when I said I was one of the best fans, I meant "best" as in "most enthusiastic", and unintentionally came off as haughty. I soon realized how haughty it sounded and removed it soon after, but this was not mentioned because I'm apparently not allowed to be depicted as self-aware or reflective because it's not lulz-worthy. I also regret using the term "Satanist Illuminati" because that was too much for many people to digest, and I wish I used something more along the lines of "corrupt elites" or "Hollywood occultists". When I used "Illuminati", I meant it as an umbrella term catch-all for all the occultists, families and bloodlines involved in controlling our world.
When I described something as "Satanic", I meant it in the ideological sense of "selfishness" (in an "evil" sense), something which a particular esoteria-knowledgeable speaker I respect also uses. Alternatively, it could be seen as a reference to SRA. Hypothetically, in a Christian's worldview (I'm not a Christian nor do I accept the most of the Bible as truth), if people believe in God, shouldn't it make sense that God designed natural humans ideally? And mutilating an infant's genitalia would be tampering with God's creation. Plus the idea of a blood sacrifice covenant (i.e. Abraham and Isaac) sounds fucking creepy and weird, and far from something a benevolent loving deity would do.
Anyway, look. Even if people don't believe in the conspiracy and occultic side of it, it doesn't change the fact the ones in power on this planet, who make a lot of the laws, are often very corrupt and are working together for their own goals. That much is fact, and that's what I wanted to get at... to motivate people and fight back against them. I have an intense hatred for the American government which I feel is responsible for a lot of the corruption and evil in this world.
Just because I posted the theory, it doesn't mean everything else is true. For example, one article claims I banned people for "disagreeing with me" (I only banned people who were trolling/being jerks) and claims I said people who disagreed with me "aren't true fans" and are "unintelligent". Just more lies which never happened. That same article acts like I'm in the wrong because I "attacked the way people raise their actual, real life children". This shows the amount of ridiculousness ingrained in humanity, downplaying sexually mutilating children as just a "way people raise their children". In my eyes, we need to start holding child abusers (such parents) responsible. Parents should absolutely not have the right to permanently modify their child's body, and I believe they deserve to be called out for it.
Attention has been put on my interaction with a mother. I interpreted her "Really? REALLY?" as "Do you REALLY want to know?", so my blunt response meant "Yes, I REALLY want to know, if you truly care as you say, then just say you didn't." Some will view it as a question that should have never been asked and act like I'm horrible for asking it, while others will understand the reasoning behind why I did it and agree it's a question we should be confronting parents about. I never "screamed" at anyone - it's impossible using text since it requires sound. Typing in caps looks like it could be interpreted as screaming, sure, but when I use it, I do it for emphasis and to indicate strong emotion. Constant lowercase feels boring, like we're all just calm ROBOTS. I like to feel REAL! And I especially don't like to feel ignored, so I used caps to get attention. I also didn't say it in a stupid strained deep voice either.
I poured my heart out a bit in my vent about the world's corruption, which I wish others would've taken seriously like a cry for help, and I always planned on removing the venty parts (which I did) after finding some people who cared about the issue like me. I hoped it would make people concerned and that I might receive comments like, "Hey man, calm down, you okay?" since I was feeling lonely around that time and exasperated by life. I hoped I could see some goodness in likeminded people to restore my lost faith in humanity. Someone used the word "lunatic" to describe my edits, which is one of the worst things that can be said to someone going through a rough time. I also misinterpreted that they meant being anti-MGM is a lunatic position, resulting in my heated emotional reply.
Some context conveniently left out was that after I was challenged about the ventiness, I soon tried to transform it into something professional. I got annoyed when my new version wasn't good enough for someone else's standards (who I felt was removing too much important information), hence some edit warring. One of my reasons had the line "...is an injustice and what's what Silent Hill is". This accidentally got cut off because the editing summary system automatically has a limit. I was going to finish "...is heavily focused on, so it's not that out of the ordinary to go into a bit of American history for better understanding". I hit submit too early without looking at what was in the edit summary and it made me seem unreasonably weird. This was my fault.
When I wrote my 1-5 posts, at the time, a revised version of the article was already up, which is why I called it unbiased and factual since I felt it was good enough. These numbered points were for a new group of people. Many of them seemed to deny MGM had any negative health effects and were acting like I was weird for being anti-MGM. It's why I may have seemed redundant, going over the same things because there was a new crowd instead of only 1-2 posters by that point. One of them incorrectly called our site the "Silent Hill Wikipedia", which is why I mentioned we are not Wikipedia. A lot of these posts were also insults at me - they were more than just "you fucking toilet sponge" but stuff like "go kill yourself, you nutjob" which I deleted. When I said I was a bureaucrat, this was not me trying to be haughty either. Anyone versed in wiki language knows "bureaucrat" is the name of an official role for certain editors.
A "YAY or NAY" vote was made regarding one of the original versions. I then agreed to work with people to make a decent version everyone would be fine with, and I made several more edits to tone it down and keep it professional. However, screencaps of the original venty version were online with childish psychopathic mocking commentary like "LOOOOOOOL LOOK AT THIS OMGGG" which ignited things and led to a major lie: the timeframe and context of certain posts were then manipulated to make it seem like I was always trying to force the original venty version the whole time. People don't mention my re-edits to improve it. I made it clear anyone who said any further insults would be blocked, so me blocking someone who called me a "fucking toilet sponge" is not me abusing power, at that point, it was fair game. Me locking the article is not an abuse of power either, it's normal to lock articles during contested edits, and I was still in the process of improving it to see if we could reach a consensus.
Instead of letting the wiki situation resolve itself, reporters already began writing gross articles, one of them couldn't even get my username right (it's not "Shepard"). They wanted drama and clicks, and it's disgusting that the immediate reaction to someone who seems to be having a mental breakdown is to publicize it and get in on the drama. It's as if the media learned nothing from Britney Spears. Or in the Internet's case, harass them and try to turn their breakdown into a meme, and spread lies and rumors by stripping context. For example, I changed the permissions of two other admins due to very specific things they did, but without knowing the full context, it just looks like I was going on a power trip. If you try to make someone seem as crazy, foolish and violent as possible, then they will appear as just that. If Jesus really existed, he probably would've been known as the "crazy table flipper" and people would've lied, saying he flipped tables because he wanted money or something like that.
The articles caused their readers to make accounts just to express their disdain towards me and the wiki, again worsening my mental health. Much of them were unsympathetic hostile Twitter feminists (the "#fuckmen" types) and it's self-explanatory how someone could be overwhelmed by them. What most people don't know of is that a surge of trolls also came to mock me and vandalize tons of articles during the discussion, which affected my mental health and made me more stressed. Because deleted posts are, well, deleted, this was not reported, with the sole exception of the main article being renamed.... that. It felt like people trashed my house, and I was trying to clean it up, and as soon as I cleaned up the living room, more entered the back door and began messing up the kitchen, and it felt never-ending. I was the only admin at the time trying to delete the vandalism. This is an example of the shit I had to put up with, where trolls went on a spree claiming other male characters experienced MGM in order to mock me.
Luckily, there was someone who actually tried to empathize with me and calm me down during that time and I'm very thankful for his support back then. There are some people who would've killed themselves from all the harassment and attention. If it wasn't for some very supportive few people, I could've very well killed myself back then. Even years later, people love mocking me and getting their kicks out of the story. Everyone who has ever laughed at me, or tried to dramatize the situation, are technically laughing at, as well as exploiting, a depressed suicidal sexual abuse rape victim going through a rough emotional time, trying to process a painful past and existence. I've also had an unfortunate life full of hardships such as bullying, trauma, sexual/emotional/verbal abuse, homelessness, but that's besides the point. The point is that we don't always know what other people have been through, and noble people should always remember this.
Apparently this holds no weight compared to "lol guys arent penises funny lololol lets show some images of things which look like penises like bananas and sausages and make a bunch of penis jokes looool". Psychos made disgusting jokes (both on the wiki and other sites) such as "they got under his skin". This is the psychopathic human condition, and the double standard men have to face. Imagine if people made stupid jokes about FGM and girls having their genitals mutilated, but since it's boys, it's apparently deemed fine by society. If I was a woman and I seemed to have an emotional breakdown about my FGM, much of the responses towards me would be different. People may view me as presumptuous for saying that, but I feel this is totally the truth. I would've been taken far more seriously, responses would have been far more compassionate and less jokey and hostile... but this is the loneliness men have to face in our world. r/CircumcisionGrief, only created in 2019, is full of men who understand what they have lost, and they feel violated and experience negative emotions similar to rape victims. MGM is a form of sexual violence.
I was unable to handle the situation, the constant accusations, the constant new editors, the insults, the trolls, the vandalism, the harassment. I was unable to properly work as a decent wiki editor because so much was happening all at once. I'd switch between trying to calm angry people down, to explaining my stance, to addressing some claims, to trying to improve the article, to cleaning up some vandalism, to learning about what was being about me on social media, and so on. It was like watching a TV with 100 channels at once because so many people were involved and doing different things, both on the wiki and other sites. I should've handled it better... but with my frame of mind and my emotions, I couldn't. It was serious mental overload. Maybe I should've just walked away, although I felt like it was my responsibility to take care of things as the main manager, so I didn't leave the discussion, which likely made things worse with the way my mental health was at the time. I felt like if I gave up on the theory, I was also giving up on MGM victims.
I was sick of the Internet's reaction, the constant trolling, vandalism, and unsympathetic insults at me, resulting in my "So I just realized I became kinda famous" post (calling it a "manifesto" is emotional language trying to make me seem violent). I realized by then, there was no way the theory was going to be accepted with that amount of angry people, so I decided I might as well try to make people question humanity's creepy slave-like existence. My "I refuse to let babies be mutilated" and "I seek the truth" was me trying to encourage other people to stand up against child abuse and violence, and not be confused by the lies certain people would make about... literally everything. We live in a world full of lies. Eventually, we all agreed to take a break. I was unable to finish a version of the theory which everyone would be satisfied with, add any more evidence, or defend myself since Wikia needed to temporarily block my account to perform their investigation and look into all the accusations. Fair enough. Afterwards, I was unblocked, but de-adminned so people would feel more comfortable with the wiki. Since then, I've made thousands of more edits to regain people's trust.
When I said "I find it disturbing I'm being mocked for trying to advocate not mutilating babies", I didn't say that for no reason, that's really what was happening. It's impossible for everyone to know the pressure I had to deal with. People have shown my most heated replies while hiding my calmer ones, while simultaneously hiding the heated and insulting replies of others (hence why an admin said "the behavior in this thread is unacceptable" instead of only my behavior), creating a skewed perception to make me look as unhinged and irrational as possible instead of a more balanced and fairer look at everyone involved. Since I deleted a lot of trollish/meaner replies myself in an attempt for a calmer discussion (with the exception of the "you fucking toilet sponge" comment), I unknowingly set myself up for this, so it was also my fault.
It's not fair that some people still continued to vandalize the wiki years after like psychos, causing other innocent editors to have deal with it. It's not fair to turn someone obviously mentally unwell who was hurting inside and suffering from emotional pain into a meme and still harass them years later with death threats. It's not fair lies are spread about me and what happened, like saying I edited "hundreds"/"thousands" of articles on this wiki to mention MGM, when the number was never more than the number of fingers on a hand. I've also seen someone claim I edited literally all of the 2000+ articles to mention MGM. Not enough people in our world actually care about truth.
|About the theory|
I don't feel like I have any more to say, but it was always a WIP (work in progress). I don't finalize my edits when I post them. It's my style of editing, which is why I had many images of the Greedy Worm, because I was still deciding on the best one. I was going to post more evidence but I was overwhelmed by everything else, so I was unable to. Someone also camhacked one of the rooms and I discovered more interesting evidence, but I don't feel it's worth sharing anymore. Did Team Silent intend to make Western audiences think about MGM? Who knows, but I was always upfront and transparent about it being a theory, not a fact. When I said "you are so deluded", it was to an editor who seemed (to me) to deny the series involved criticizing America and I felt they were removing too much information that was important to understanding the theory - I never meant those who didn't believe in the theory were "deluded". I never insulted anyone for not specifically believing in the theory in itself, nor did I ban anyone for not believing in it (which is a major lie floating around).
However, I will say that the idea that people can't criticize the practices of other countries if their own country does not do that practice... is dumb as heck. Yes, Japan does not do it (for the most part). Which is all the more reason as to why they would think it is fucked up and why I think they would make subtle commentary, but not too blatant or else their game might not be published. In 2004, even more people were pro-MGM. A lot of Japanese games had to pull their punches not to offend Westerners, resorting communicating ideas through etymology, symbolism, sound cues, etc. Japan is very interested in America and the series criticizes a lot about American society which is what I meant by it focusing on the "atrocities" of America. I do wish I said "one of the major purposes of the series" instead of "entire purpose", that was one of those things I said because I felt offended and wasn't careful about my wording as a result.
Japan's not some imaginary land where the people are unaware of what is happening in other countries. It's why the town has a history of Native Americans being genocided, as well as the American Civil war, Patrick Chester, and Howard being discriminated in Past Life. It's why the handgun was located in a shopping cart in 2, and this is not just me theorizing, it was confirmed in an official guide, as a satire of how easy it is to get guns in America. Things throughout the series, like the focus on religion becoming twisted, drug cartels, Heather finding a homeless tent, Claudia constantly mentioning how humanity is greedy and obsessed with money and consumerism, can all be seen as American commentary. I could write an essay about how the series focuses on the evils/atrocities of American society, but I'd rather not.
I know the character was an orphan taken to the hospital, but medical malpractice happens. One of the themes in 2 related to Mary feeling the hospital was greedy and profitting off her suffering (commentary on America's shitty healthcare). I'm not going to get into how much foreskin stem cells are worth, and what Sandra Bullock and Kate Beckinsale like to do in their spare time.
Another stupid thing people have done is manipulate the theory so that it became "Walter became a serial killer because he was circumcised". I never ever said it like this and this is a silly and stupid oversimplification of it in order to make me look ridiculous. The theory was always "it affected the foundation of his psychology in a negative way". Even if my theory is true, it obviously would never be the sole reason. I'm well aware of other aspects like the child abuse at the orphanage/water prison by the cult, interactions with Dahlia/Richard/Cynthia/Andrew, and so on. I never meant to downplay the significance of these events, I was simply trying to bring awareness to another possibility because not many people would get it if there was little explanation.
People act like I'm insane for coming up with the theory, but if someone said something like "Mary's corpse wasn't in the trunk... it was in the backseat and James just didn't look in the backseat the whole time!" back then, they would've been viewed as cray, but this turned out to be true. Even "Angela was sexually abused" was a very controversial theory back in the day which many denied, but the creators confirmed that. Bizarre theories have been shown to be true, such as "James was in the Otherworld hotel at the start, and then it transitioned to the Fog World."
People tend to draw a blank on the cutting knife, and why you're given the crappiest weapon there. By that point, you already have far better weapons like guns and an axe. Who actually plays the game and uses the cutting knife? It's not out of the question they wanted players to think about the act of slicing and cutting. People may say "Oh, they know people love those knife-runs", but halfway into the game? Harry and Heather had their knives at the start of their game. It's sus to me.
Each World has a pattern of importance, trauma and memories so bad that they manifested in his subconscious Otherworld: Subway (homelessness and being mocked/rejected by Cynthia), Forest/Prison (memories of occult abuse), Building (hurting a kitten and being yelled at by Steve), Apartment (horror of not being able to enter his "mother" Room 302, being yelled at by Richard and horrified by Skinned Mike). When I ask others why the hospital was manifested and why it was apparently so significant he happened to manifest a hospital full of skin, mutilated bodies, and restrained child-like figures, people go "oh, well... uh... umm..." or accuse me of overlooking. The umbilical cord was already cut in the apartment, it didn't occur in the hospital. A mere location he only stayed at for maybe a few days before being transferred to the orphanage just doesn't seem important/traumatic enough to me on its own.
|Did you genuinely believe in everything you said?|
I'll leave that up to the imagination, but anyway, that should not matter in my opinion.
However, I will say that much of my actual real views have been distorted by others claiming my "beliefs", often either because of malicious intent or being unable to properly read. At other times, I just was being hypothetical about ideas like the collective consciousness. I'm not sure what to think about a lot of things these days. However, I never ever used the term "divine" or "divine knowledge" which is more framing and words put into my mouth to make me look weird.
|Why do you like the words "brainwashed" and "sheeple" so much?|
I like them because they're blunt and to the point, and I think it's creepy that these words are very stigmatized. Let's call things for what they are. It could be said that people have been brainwashed to not use the word 'brainwashed'. I just happen to like 'brainwashed' as much as 'mind control', 'thought indoctrination', etc.
The vast majority of humanity is engaged in herd mentality, doing and believing things just because popular people and corporations tell them to do them. Humanity won't be free of "monkey see, monkey do", even in hundreds/thousands of years from now. From the moment we're born and develop consciousness, our values are shaped -- especially twisted -- by society/our peers/school/media. So while I don't use "sheeple" because others find it cringey and condescending, I still see the idea behind it.
|Why use the term "survivor"? That sounds silly|
I was trying to be more respectful to the victims, similar to "rape survivor". I also meant "traumatic" in the "emotionally disturbing or distressing" sense, not the literal "I have traumatic memories"-PTSD sense.
It's also estimated at least 100 babies die each year in the US alone as a result, and this isn't including the deaths caused by SIDS, which it also affects. I actually wrote "death" as one of the things MGM can cause, which other reporters conveniently left out, probably because they thought "dead babies are not LOL worthy" and to make me look as crazy as possible, with less reason to be upset.
The pain doesn't just disappear after the mutilation. Even moving around in their diapers causes extreme agony for days after, but parents assume it's just typical baby crying and think of nothing of it. They are literally "surviving" a hellish experience which is why I used the term "survivor", to try to change people's perspectives. I still strongly believe MGM does cause brain and psychological damage due to the pain, and that much of North American men are walking around with latent brain damage. Here's a 2020 study supporting this.
Also foolish is the idea that only "botched" mutilations are traumatic and cause distress. All of them do to various degrees.
|You're a weirdo for being obsessed with it!|
Well, I think other people are weirdos for being so nonchalant about it, in the same way people don't care about where their burgers come from. It's creepy and weird, like I was born into a Black Mirror world (or Twilight Zone, if you're more old school) where torturing/mutilating/killing babies and animals is totally fine.
And I'm not "obsessed" with it like it's some life passion, I just happened to be interested in the topic for a week. I don't have a "foreskin fetish", my "fetish" is preventing child abuse. I have other hobbies and interests like art, lofi music and caring for animals. It wasn't until I was in my 20s when I discovered about my MGM, and learned about stuff such as the loss of pleasure, the trauma and brain damage, the dead babies, etc. (Some people may think it's ridiculous and pathetic I took that long to find out, but can I really be blamed? The school system I was in didn't teach it, society seems to avoid talking about it as much as possible, and I don't go out of my way to look at pictures.) I was so horrified by what I found out, I wanted to combat it. I felt like it was the moral and right thing to do at the time, to speak out and not be another bystander.
It's impossible to gauge how much my actions affected humanity... for better or for worse. I hope I was able prevent a number of mutilations and made some future men grow up happier and healthier for what should be a basic human right, because tons of governments such as America's don't care about bodily autonomy.
|Does your username mean you like Homecoming?|
I chose it because it was a thing me and my fellow wiki editors would do as a fun thing back then. We'd name ourselves after characters like JamesSunderland, CherylMason, HenryTownshend, MurphyPendleton, AlessaGillespie, etc. We'd sometimes roleplay as our character for fun. Homecoming was also released in late 2008 and I selected the username when I joined the wiki in 2009, so it was the "hot new Silent Hill game" everyone wanted to play, and the game has a relatively good reputation at the time, and Alex was a popular character.
Homecoming is definitely not my favorite installment, there are a lot of silly and goofy things about it, but I do like a lot of things about it, like the way Alex is portrayed as a tortured disturbed young man who is the black sheep of his family and feels alienated from other people (with the exception of Elle). I also admire how Alex tries to do good, despite being mentally unwell himself. I'm also a believer of the "Alex is in the closet" fan theory because it's interesting and greatly enhances the story in my opinion, and I don't think it's a stretch that Alex may be lying to himself that he is attracted to Elle/women, given they spent so much time together when they were 16-18, with Alex visiting Elle's house multiple times, yet their relationship remained a friendship. A lot of people think this theory is absurd, but then why does Alex have a book called "Anal Sex for Dummies" in his bedroom? (see Trivia on Shepherd House article)
Some fans have used my username against me, acting like it's proof that I'm a joke of a fan, even though I was well into the series before the movie came out and played the first games on the PS1/PS2. I vastly prefer the Japanese-made games over the Western ones, although I enjoy some aspects of the Western ones. Someone tried to use my username against me during the discussion which is what prompted me to mention how much of a fan I am in the first place, that I grew up with Silent Hill as a child, etc. It wasn't something I said just because. I never referred to my experience/knowledge of the series as "credentials" or "gamer credentials" which is more framing to make me look silly.
|Well, ACKYUALLY, "witches" were just hanged, not burned|
Okay, I got it. I grew up on the Silent Hill movie, sue me. I've been correctly informed that the estimated 40,000-50,000 "witches" were only burned in Europe, not America.
However, this doesn't somehow invalidate my point that many Americans have been okay with routinely supporting stupid and cruel shit, no matter the century.
|The future and my apologies|
I wrote all of this because I realized that by being silent, I was making people with my various beliefs look worse and doing a disservice. I was responsible for the initial damage done to these beliefs/movements/causes.
However, after some time, the responsibility shifted away from me to society. I'm not responsible for all sharing afterwards, it's out of my hands. It then becomes society's collective choice as to whether or not to do continued damage to these causes. Everyone has a choice to share a story, or spread a lie, and whether or not they want those who support these movements to look bad. This includes the psychopaths who try to turn MGM into a joke. The sexual mutilation of children should never be a joke (that includes you Mila Kunis in Bad Moms). To all the liars, trolls, those who make MGM or what happened into a joke, you're all disgusting and should be ashamed of yourselves. You know who you are. If I had actually killed myself (which many victims do because of society's apathy towards them and the issue), would you still be laughing now? ...Probably, because you're all just a bunch of fucking psychos. I dare you, go watch videos of babies screaming and crying during it, maybe it will wake up something truly human in your demented hearts.
I didn't write this to be respected either because I know I'm beyond any sort of respect to most, maybe it might make some people respect me more, but it's not the point. People will only see the angry young man, not the little boy who was molested and suffered various childhood traumas, or the depressed teenager who cried himself to sleep many nights because he was lonely in high school and felt alone in the world. I just want to see more change in the world, and clearing my name a bit should hopefully help with that. It's also a terrible situation, knowing hundreds/thousands of people daily are being misinformed, and there's nothing else I can do to stop it. Some people will die with the belief that I'm just a crazy pedophile.
It's ironic people act like I'm the psycho when I'm the one who was overwhelmed by our world and tried to influence society to stop torturing babies, and it should've been clear I have high empathy for the well-being of children, animals, people of all ethnicities, poor people, etc. I'm not the one who tried to bring attention (especially in a mocking way) to someone apparently having a mental breakdown like an actual psychopath would. It takes empathy to sympathize with me, which the people who try to dehumanize me lack. Over the years, I've been told I deserve to die, that I deserve to be euthanized, that I deserve to have my dick cut off, received images of dick pics from random creeps, etc.
I had a few venty days as a wiki editor and people act like I'm Satanspawn and that I murdered their first-born child. Some venty posts and edits I made when I upset about the world and I was just a little older than a teenager should not define me as a whole. I should be allowed to find peace and move on. I never wanted to be famous/infamous and I wish I didn't have to write all of this, I just wanted society to wake up and stop cutting babies and doing corrupt shit. For me, it took a lot of time, reflection and internal strength to finally confront and address a lot of this stuff here. Because I wanted, so desperately for years, for people to finally forget and for me to fully heal and forget... but it seems that simply can't be.
Some may say "Sir, this is a wiki." If I used conventional means, thousands and thousands would've never heard the message because I don't have that power. Posting on such sites would've resulted in it receiving little to no attention and having no major effect on the world. While it may not have been okay to use a wiki article as a temporary soapbox (I don't want to get into the morality aspect, although an argument can be made it's immoral not to take a chance for the greater good), people can't deny that it actually worked and got my message out, sparking discussions and implanting seeds of curiosity in the end which is why I chose it. If society doesn't want to listen, pulling a stunt can make them listen. I like to think drastic times call for drastic measures. If a society has a corrupt system full of corrupt laws and is full of corrupt people who don't want to listen or take action, is doing morally dubious and possibly irrelevant things (such as creating drama) justified in order to fight back against the corruption itself? ...I don't think there's a clear objective answer to that. Because I took a chance, I did decades worth of awareness-raising in a single day and got the New York Magazine's readers to question MGM so that was something at least. I read a post by a father saying they remembered the "Silent Hill guy" and chose not to perform MGM on their newborn son so that made me happy. I wish I could see the number of boys I've protected and hope someday, it will be in the millions, shaving off the years until MGM becomes illegal.
So now no one wants to listen to me anymore. I don't have massive amounts of followers on social media so all I can do is edit my user page here to clarify things. I don't care about modern social media like Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, YouTube, TikTok and Tumblr because it's (mostly) just obnoxious people trying to show how damn perfect and happy their lives are, obsessed with their status, Likes and followers. HiT tHaT LiKe aNd SuBsCrIbE bUtToN! BuY mY MeRcH! I aM CoOL! WoRsHiP mE! People think they're the hot shit just because they make videos or talk while playing video games. Try using your power to actually combat the problems of this world or donate to charities. We could use less humor and memes all the time so people don't feel as apathetic and nonchalant about real world issues which newer generations ideally should be passionate about.
Because people don't care, the conversation will always remain "hey, did you hear about the crazy admin who went mad with power?" instead of "hey, did you hear about this suicidal and depressed young man who was raped as a child by a woman, vented about his pain and the world's corruption in a place where people would see it, deleted his vents on the article and tried to improve it when confronted about it, had to face a swarm of trolls and harassment and tried to defend the wiki from them, had context deleted to make him look as insane as possible, and then had millions of people misled to believe he's a pedophile into bestiality because of false accusations with no easy way to dispel them for the masses?" As Kate Marsh from Life is Strange said, no wonder they call it a "web", nothing can ever get out.
At the end of the day, I truly wish for a peaceful world where all beings are happy and free, and I hope that people don't take everything they see/hear/read at face value, and can see pure intentions, even on our bad days. I'd love to see more people with power actually try to speak out and make positive changes, instead of just trying to promote themselves or be complacent with corruption.
I'm thankful for whose who have defended me and have stayed by my side, and to those who can see through much of the bullshit. Thank you. I apologize to the Silent Hill community, the Silent Hill Wiki community, and to many of my wiki friends and ex-friends for fragmenting our community and giving us a bad rep. I didn't mean for it to happen. I'm sorry about that.
However, I will never apologize to a society which turns a blind eye to suffering. Those who do can go fuck themselves. Every moment of not taking action against something is a moment of being complicit.
I wish to be left alone, and for my friends to be left alone. Even other editors of the wiki I speak to want to be left alone. We've told this publicly multiple times, yet some people don't care. It's not only a disservice to me, it's also a disservice to all the other hard workers of this wiki. We don't want any more attention. I'm tired. We're tired.
|My final advice to those who complain about wikis (rant incoming)|
Fucking edit it.
No one's stopping you. If you don't, you're part of the problem.
They make wiki editing so simple and easy these days. If you can use a phone, you can edit a wiki.
There was a poster in my high school that said: "Be the change you wish to see in the world."
Over the years, I've witnessed countless people bitch, cry, moan, and complain about inaccurate information on wikis. This doesn't apply just to SH Wiki, but all wikis in general. Instead of appreciating the 99% of information on a wiki that is correct and accurate, they bitch and whine about the 1% that is questionable/wrong.
"Waaaah waaaaaah, this wiki said this! It's a bad source of information!"
These people get annoyed, whine about it on some other site, and go to sleep without actually having done anything about it.
Well, people are fucking human beings. People make honest mistakes. I make honest mistakes. Your parents and friends have made honest mistakes. You make honest mistakes. You didn't breeze through school like a robot, earning 100% on every single test and exam in your life, and you damn very well know it.
Feel there's not enough information about some character's backstory? Write it.
The passcode to a door is 102 but someone accidentally put 103? Fix it.
You wish there were more pictures of a character in their gallery? Add it.
Stop being a crybaby and edit.
If you are so enlightened, why not spread it around? People make the world a better place through action, so stop complaining and make an account. It's called being proactive, and trying to make change.
I'm done slaving away hours of my life for unappreciative people who expect everything in life to be handed to their sorry ass. We aren't even being paid to edit.
The Sun is likely going to explode some day, killing all of humanity and all traces of our existence with a solar flare. It'll be as if humanity never existed. What about our pathetic lives will have actually mattered then? My experience with everything made me realize how much humanity sucks, how psychopathic and stupid people are, and how we're all screwed.
If you're actually a wiki editor who actually takes this advice, then this doesn't apply to you. Take care.